Lord of the Rings, Australian Version
by Flying Fox1
Summary: Complete. The fellowship, on their mission to destroy the ring, accidently take a wrong turn and find themselves ended up in Ausralis of all places! Please R
1. Default Chapter

The Lord of the Rings- Australian version  
  
Hi people, this is my 1st fanfic, so I'd love it if you could review it for me. I want to know if you like it or not. Thanks! BTW- I own none of these characters, just my strange sense of humour!  
  
Blurb: The Fellowship, on their mission to destroy the ring, accidentally took a wrong turn somewhere near Caradhas and found themselves ended up in Australia, of all places! Tired, hungry and confused, The Fellowship are bickering fiercely and most of them are wishing they'd brought a gameboy or some barley sugars with them on this quest to pass the time.  
  
Oh well, the future is looking up as they trudge their way into a town called Alice Springs. Maybe the fellowship can get some directions to Mordor from there?.  
  
The Fellowship slowly tramp up a red dirt track getting dust on their faces, hands, fingernails, toenails and every other place possible. They come across an old dilapidated building on the edge of a town with the word "Pub" on it. All 4 hobbits faces light up and they begin to run at full pelt without a word towards it (which isn't all that fast considering they're hobbits). The other members of the fellowship look at each other strangely on account of the fact that they have no idea what a pub was. Gandalf being the exception. He smiled knowingly in an infuriating way and looked superior, which annoys everybody ALL THE TIME.  
  
As the rest of the Fellowship enters the pub, they find the hobbits already at the bar, half drunk. With some difficulty, Pippin hobbles over with a stupid smile on his face. "Hiiii Booromir," he says to Aragorn. "Hiiii Aaaragoorn" he says to Gandalf "I didn't know y..you were sooo old!" Gandalf gives Pippin a sharp slap on the ear. "Fool of a Took!" he yells "We don't even know where we are, and you're already drunk senseless!"  
  
"You're lost are you?" came a deep mysterious, stranger's voice. "You'd better come with me then".  
  
The tall, dark stranger clothed in a black cloak led the Fellowship up a flight of stairs into a dark room.  
  
At this stage the hobbits got sick of singing "100 bottles of beer on the wall" and switched to "what shall we do with a drunken sailor" before falling quiet  
  
"They call me Strider©" Said the stranger.  
  
"Oi!" protested Aragorn. "You copied me! I am called Strider!" The Stranger produced a thick wad of official looking documents, explaining that they were the copyright agreement he had drawn up with his lawyers 20 years ago and if Aragorn wanted to avoid a long and onerous court case he wouldn't use the name again. Aragorn meekly conceded but confided to Boromir in a low whisper he had plenty of other names to choose from and frankly, Strider didn't evoke a strong enough image for him.  
  
"Well," said Strider©. "2 poms, a pretty boy, an oversized garden gnome, 4 kids who have no appreciation of drinking laws and an old fart. What are you all doing here?"  
  
After the general uproar from the fellowship members was over (with the hobbits demanding they were all over 18, Gimli yelling he had NO relation whatsoever to a garden gnome, Legolas stating in a snooty tone, that he was NOT a pretty boy, he just knew the importance of appearance, Aragorn and Boromir arguing with each other to the meaning of a "pom" and Gandalf grunting something about how he was not old, just well matured, like cheese) ; the story of the Fellowship's adventure so far spilled out with Gandalf doing all the talking and occasional butting in from the others when he got a fact wrong.  
  
."So on the 12th day, after breakfast.." "Of scrambled eggs and bacon," Sam added quickly "Yes, whatever", said Gandalf. "Anyway, on the 12th day we decided we were well and truly lost. But then, with my superior sight, I spotted what turned out to be a road and saved us all!"  
  
"Ahem! Excuse me!" said Legolas "You seem to have the facts wrong. I am the one with exceptional sight and it was ME that saw the road, you old *******!"  
  
After a night of intense bickering between the fellowship with the exception of Sam, who promptly went to sleep, it was finally morning. All 4 hobbits had severe hangovers and every body else had bags under their eyes. Legolas used concealer on his. They stumbled down to breakfast, where they met Strider© for the last time, who was still struggling to get last nights facts right. "So. you are looking for a mountain. in a place called Mordor." "Yes! That's it!" cried Gandalf, who was trying very hard after last night to prove he was useful. "And its full of bad people, and..." "Well," said Strider, still thinking. The only tall thing around here, is Uluru." "That must be it!" said Gandalf firmly. "It's very confusing how everything has different names. I my self am called Gandalf, the Grey Pilgrim, Mithrandir, the Grey Fool. well, that ones not so much a name as it is an insult." Pippin, anticipating another of Gandalf's long and boring speeches, cut him off with a loud yawn, followed by a burp into Merry's face. "Oi!" protested Merry, and the two proceeded to have a burping competition.  
  
After breakfast, Strider© wrote the directions to Uluru on the back of a drink coaster and handed them to Aragorn, afraid Gandalf would probably lose them if he gave them to him. "Well now, we must be going. Thank you Strider© for your helpfulness" said Gimli. "And that dirty face soap" he added in a sly undertone, grinning wickedly in Legolas's direction.  
  
The fellowship set off up a dusty track, not sure how long it would take them, but determined to complete their quest all the same. 


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2 Pippin sidled up to Merry as they were walking and the two of them started exchanging all the free stuff they'd got at the hotel last night and plotting wickedly. "Hey Sam! Come over here for a sec will you?" asked Merry in an innocent voice. Sam walked over to see what was up. "Hey Sam, would you like to buy some souvenirs of our stay at the hotel last night? Going cheap!" "There's shower caps, soap, shampoo & conditioner 2 in 1, and even pens!" added Pip. "Oh wow! How cool!" exclaimed poor, gullible Sam. "I'll have one of everything. Mr. Frodo will love these as a birthday present."  
  
Eventually, the fellowship had to stop for the night, and set up camp somewhere out in the middle of no where. Unfortunately, it had been Gandalf that had been leading them all day, and Frodo & the others were quite sure they had taken at least 3 wrong turns. Gandalf though, was adamant that they were going in the right direction and wouldn't listen to a word the rest of the fellowship said.  
  
After a long night, and lots of bad dreams and farting (all of the latter coming from one certain hobbit who will remain nameless) the fellowship awoke, and were led off by Gandalf in a direction which looked suspiciously like the way they had come yesterday. Finally, around Midday, they saw something on the horizon. "That must be Mount Doom", declared Gandalf in a knowing voice. "Looks just like it."  
  
However, as the fellowship came closer, it turned out that it was not Mount Doom, but in fact a castle. HOGWARTS- school for witchcraft and wizardry proclaimed the sign above the enormous gate. "Great going Gandalf" said Boromir sarcastically, "What is this, your old school?" "No!" replied Gandalf hotly "never seen this place before in my life!" Actually Gandalf was a bit annoyed. He had thought there were only a few wizards on Middle Earth, but here was a school for them, so there must be hundreds. Then again, Gandalf reasoned, who knew if they were still in Middle Earth? No, he didn't need a school to be good at wizardry! These people were obviously frauds, no where near as good as him, just out to try and earn a living off magic tricks. And with that, all traces of jealously Gandalf felt towards these people vanished. "Let us move on!" Gandalf cried, "This place is of no good to us!"  
  
And so the Fellowship walked on for days, having given up all sense of direction long ago. On the 43rd morning, or so Pippin reckoned it (though Pippin never was very good at counting, he liked to leave out any number that started or ended with a two,) they came across a plume of smoke in the distance, or so Legolas told them, for no one could see that far. "No, no, you've got it all wrong elf!" Proclaimed Gimli, "Its just a wisp of cloud, nothing to worry about." "Yeah!" added Merry, "It looks like a dragon shaped cloud to me!" Sam got very worried at the mention of dragons and thought they had definitely found their way to Mt. Doom this time. As they walked closer, they found that Legolas was right, it was actually a great plume of smoke they saw. The hobbits cast themselves down in fear, for they believed it to be the smoke of Mount Doom. "Get Up! Get Up you foolish hobbits!" Cried Gandalf. "We must walk towards our foe with dignity to the very end" He stuck his nose up in the air, and as a consequence, didn't see the rock he tripped over.  
  
Bravely the Fellowship walked on, feeling sure they were marching towards certain death, when a girl came out from behind a tree and laughed at them. "Hee hee! You people look a little lost! Where are you heading wearing those clothes? A fancy dress party?" "Be silent!" Commanded Gandalf to the Fellowship. "The enemy has many spies. State your business girl, for we are in a hurry." "You speak funny too," commented the girl. "it's as if you're from another time. Hang on! I know who you are! You're Gandalf, and you're Aragorn, and Legolas, Gimli, Boromir, Pippin, Sam, Merry and of course Frodo." The fellowship stared dumbly at her. "I'm a Lord of the Rings fanatic", she explained almost apologetically, but with a smile. "Come on, I'll show you some stuff in my collection!" She turned and started walking quickly in the other direction. The fellowship looked at each other and jogged to catch up with her. "So, er, what was that smoke over there?" asked Gandalf trying to be casual. "Oh, that's just the factories, I do live in Mount Isa you know." "Mt. Isa, not Mount. Doom?" The girl laughed. "I certainly hope not!"  
  
Presently she lead them to a cottage and stepping inside lead them to a small room. To everyone's amazement plastered on the walls were pictures of them! "What is the meaning of this!" Cried Gandalf "What new devilry has the enemy dreamed up? Spies taking pictures of us?" "No, no, this is my Lord of the Rings shrine", the girl explained. "Anything Lord of the Rings related is in this room. See my novels, posters, postcards, trading cards, lunch box, folder, figurines, light up sword." She trailed off as she realised the Fellowship were staring dumbly at the figurines of themselves. "That.That's me!" cried Sam incredulously "That looks NOTHING like me" stated Legolas. "I do NOT have arms as long as an orangutan, and my mouth isn't that wide, I would NEVER let my fingernails grow that long!" Gimli had a glance at Legolas's figurine, then looked at Legolas. "Looks just like you if you ask me." He said cheekily.  
  
Gandalf, however, was more interested in the novels. "What are these?" he asked the girl "They are the story of your quest" replied the girl. The room was silent. "You know, well, I spose you don't know. Look, take these books and read them, and then hopefully you'll be able to find your way back to Middle Earth. It's all in there" And with that the girl ushered them out of the house and back onto the road. Everybody thanked her as well as they could but she just smiled and told them not to worry.  
  
With that the Fellowship went on, not entirely positive what these books were or what they were for, but more determined than ever to finish the quest. As they walked out of Mt. Isa, Boromir was shot by a stray arrow from the archery club down the road and Merry & Pippin were taken by a couple of orcs that had appeared from no where. Frodo felt the need to be by himself for a while so he and Sam took a different direction, and Gandalf, well, he was long gone. And so the story ended just as it had in the original, except for the fact that they were still in Australia. All's well that ends well.  
  
The End! Well, maybe not. If you liked it (or even if you didn't) PLEASE review, and who knows, if people like it, maybe I'll write more!  
  
(If you are reading this, please review!!!!!!) I'll reply to all reviewers :o) 


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